college personal essay - 2023

Amidst the gentle hum of tattoo machines and bass-heavy music, a transformation is taking place. There is stillness in my body, but my mind is full of thoughts pacing back and forth. I am rifling through every filing cabinet and shredding what no longer benefits me. By the end of this process, I will leave with a physical manifestation of everything I have been, and everything I will become.

I’ve always admired tattoos for their story telling ability, but I now have a greater appreciation for the mind-body connection they bring. Receiving one is a test of patience and will power. It’s almost meditative to stay collected while needles disperse ink beneath the skin.

After many literally painstaking hours, I am left a husk: weary, exhausted, sweaty. I take comfort in this familiar feeling. I was once shattered and left to pick up the pieces. Although I appear as one piece now, my body remembers being broken. Each tattoo is not unlike the golden cracks of kintsugi pottery, or the solder of a stained glass mural: a decorative reminder that I am whole; something to traipse over in moments I feel fragile.

Although I have multiple tattoos now, the one I gravitate to most often is a sword that I received after experiencing something life changing, but frightening. It reminds me that like a sword, I too have been plunged into fire and come out stronger, more flexible. By carrying a permanent sword, I was able to heal emotional wounds despite creating a physical one.

Others may choose a symbolic piece of jewelry to serve as their reminder, but I know I am not alone in choosing tattoos. My friends, family, partner, and so many more speak to the healing they’ve undergone by receiving a tattoo. I truly believe in the mystical, cathartic qualities tattoos contain.